I’ve been on this up and down melancholic ride for the last few weeks.
Rather strange really, im not sure why it keeps freaking out.
I think the main reason is school coming to a close and realizing that some people who I really want to stay in touch with, I probably wont.
Three cheers for growing up.
I feel like there is this new wave of absurdly honest people that ive been encountering. I have a very good close friend who has always been bluntly honest, lately though its transformed into just plain meanness. I dont want to hear the hard truth constantly, sugar-coating is our friend and anyone that denies that is retarded. Im a fan of honest answers, honest opinions, etc. but there is this threshold that is hit that you just dont cross because it becomes hurtful. Why do people feel like they have the right to discount their cruelty in the name of honesty? or even worse become so used to it that they no longer recognize the hurt it causes? Would i rather have my friend lie to me about being a shit to someone so i feel better? or tell me how it is? Both have their pros and cons. The only answer i can come up with is that it depends on the what, how, when, where, and who it deals with. Situational specific honesty, thats what i want.
Something i havent really talked about on this yet is my spirituality. I am a metaphysical spiritualist, thus i believe in past lives, energy healing, etc. I have started going to a womans group along with my mother and grandma once a week led by a channeler of a collection of higher beings. Through this i have tapped into my own powers progressively more and more. Though i have been aware of my abilities for some time now, my environment of the last 6 years has prevented me from pursuing them. Far to many distractions within high school and all. Lately however, ive been striving to focus on them and expand upon what i already know. Tonight i went to a group channeling session and was throughly disappointed with the vibe. It was just off in some way unlike the other meetings before. One fantastic revelation i got however was the even though i may be able to see people on an exponential level, know their pain, emotions and sometimes even underlying thoughts, it is not my right to force them to see it themselves and work it out. Knowing what i do makes it hard for me to hold back the “helping others” gene i was born with. Im drawn to teach but i need to respect those who are not yet ready to be taught. I can’t force life lessons upon other people. This year I had a situation where i saw someone crystal clear, it freaked the shit out of them. Oh course i didnt realize this until far to late in the game to make the ending out to be anything but a shit storm. They werent ready to face what i saw or that i saw it at all. It was a maze of confusion until i realized just tonight what it was: they werent ready for that lesson. Im not the one who’s going to teach them or help them or free them from the confines of their own pain. Maybe i will in the future who knows. But it will be on their time, not mine. It just explains so much its kinda mind-boggling. My entire life ive been trying to save those who didnt want to be because it wasnt their time. I feel lighter. I dont have fix it, or even acknowledged it for christ sake…How nice.
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